


You Save Me

by louisgrindsonharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Harry is desperate to help any way he can, Louis is very broken, M/M, Sad, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 12:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2468567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisgrindsonharry/pseuds/louisgrindsonharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis tries to kill himself and Harry finds him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Save Me

  Harry had noticed that there was something wrong with Louis. He didn’t want to push him, because obviously it was something he wasn’t comfortable talking about, but he was worried. Louis was quieter, and he wouldn’t smile anymore. He’d been worried out of his mind, because there was something seriously wrong with his boyfriend, and he couldn’t fix it, and it was killing him. Every time he would try to bring it up, Louis just looked so tired and defeated, that Harry always thought, “it can wait until tomorrow, he needs to sleep.” So he’d crawl into bed with Louis, holding him tightly, trying to make the pain go away, but he knew it went deeper than that. When they were alone together in their house, Louis would put on a fake smile and tell Harry that he was fine, but they both knew that he wasn’t.

            One day after they’d finished with rehearsals and recording, and they actually had a few days off, Harry knew he needed to talk to Louis and figure out what was wrong, especially since Louis was having a really rough day. Harry didn’t take his eyes off Louis all day. He looked tired; his eyes were red and hollow, and he almost didn’t look like the same person, and it killed Harry to see Louis like that. He’d been trying hard to shower Louis with compliments and he’d tried to show how much he loved him, but it didn’t seem to be working.

Louis had asked Harry if he would get him a muffin from his favorite bakery across the city, which was odd of him, because he hated Harry going out of his way for him, but Harry jumped on the opportunity to make Louis happy. He left with a kiss and an, ‘I love you’ to which Louis nearly cried at, but said ‘I love you too’ and Harry was gone.

            Halfway through the ride home, Harry started getting a sinking feeling in his stomach, and he felt like something was very, very wrong. He pulled out his phone to call Louis and check up on him, but he saw that he had one unread text from his boyfriend.

             _ **Louis** : I love you and I’m so, so sorry._ 

            Harry’s heart started racing and his hands got clammy as he dialed Louis’ number, but he didn’t answer. He sent a text for Louis to call him right now, and he sped up the car as he hurried home, calling Louis the whole time. As each minute passed, Harry got more and more nervous, scared that Louis had done something stupid, and he couldn’t help but to start crying. If anything happened to Louis, it would be his fault. He knew something was wrong, and he should have said something sooner. He shouldn’t have put it off, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have left him today.

            Harry pulled in the driveway and didn’t even bother to turn off the car before he was running inside of the house. “Louis!” He yelled, running straight upstairs. “Louis where the fuck are you?!” He yelled, trying to ignore that sinking feeling in his stomach, and the eerie silence that filled their house. “Louis, dammit, where are you?” He yelled, looking through the bedroom before he ran over the bathroom. His heart stopped and his blood ran cold as he saw his boyfriend, lying on the floor with blood dripping from his wrist, with a razor blade in his other hand. He was pale, he looked completely lifeless, and Harry nearly passed out. “Louis, Louis, Louis, no, fuck, Louis please,” he cried running over to Louis. “No, no, no, no, please, no, Louis,” He sobbed, quickly grabbing the towel from the rack and wrapping it around Louis’ wrist. Harry was crying, holding Louis lifeless body in his arms. “Don’t leave me, you can’t do this,” He begged. “I can’t do any of this without you, Louis, please, don’t leave me,” He cried again.

            He pulled out his phone, and while sobbing, he called for an ambulance before he hung up and held Louis in his arms again, begging him not to leave. Harry cried and held Louis until the ambulance showed up. He rode with them to the hospital, holding Louis’ hand, not listening much, but he heard the paramedics say words like “fait heart beat” “still won’t make it” “not much we can do” and other things that made him want to crawl into a hole and die, because without Louis, there would be no Harry.

            The next few hours were a blur, and Harry couldn’t remember most of it. Louis was rushed off to immediate life saving surgery and blood transfusions while Harry was forced to sit in the waiting room. He couldn’t bring himself to call and tell anyone yet, because it was all his fault. It was his fault he couldn’t help Louis, it was his fault he left him alone today and it was his fault he didn’t say something sooner when he knew something was wrong. He couldn’t face the rest of the band, or their other friends, or Louis’ mum or siblings. He didn’t know what he was going to tell them, other than he failed when he promised them all he’d keep Louis safe.

            Four hours later Harry was still staring blankly at the floor, wondering how it could take so long, because it was his  _wrist._ No surgery on someone’s wrist should take that long. “Harry Styles?” He heard a doctor say, and his head shot up as he walked to meet the doctor.

            “Is he okay?” Harry choked out, expecting the worse.

            “He’s stable right now, but he lost a lot of blood. He’s got a long road of recovery ahead of him, and we’ll need to keep him in here for a few days, but the surgery went well. He’s got stitches in his wrist, but he’ll survive. He’s sleeping now, but you’re free to go in there,” The doctor said as he led Harry to Louis’ room.

            Harry nodded in relief and walked in the room. Tears came to his eyes as he saw Louis, and he couldn’t stop them from falling if he wanted to. Louis looked so pale and lifeless. Harry sat on the chair and took Louis’ bandaged hand in his, while he lightly traced his fingers over Louis’ wrist. “Why did you do this?” He whispered. “Why did you think you could leave me? What makes you think that I’d be able to live without you?” He asked through his tears. “Louis, you’re going to be okay. I promise, I’m going to help you get through whatever the hell you’re going through, you just can’t ever do this to me again.”

He didn’t want to leave Louis’ side, but he had a few phone calls to make, no matter how badly he didn’t want to. He walked out of the room and dialed Louis’ mum first.

“Harry!” She answered cheerfully, and Harry felt his throat tighten. “How are you dear?”

“Um, I’m actually not good at all, Jay,” He whispered as his voice broke.

“What happened?” She asked.

“Louis’ in the hospital,” Harry whispered. “I came home and,” his voice broke and tears spilled freely now as he remembered walking in the bathroom. “I came home and found him, Jay. He tried to kill himself.”

“Oh my god, Harry what hospital are you at? Is he okay?” She asked, worry in her voice, but she somehow seemed calm.

“We’re at London Bridge Hospital. He’s stable and he’s going to be okay, they said. They did blood transfusions and surgery, but they said he’ll make it,” Harry said, wiping the tears from his face.

“I’m on my way now, I’ll be there in a few hours. Harry, everything will be okay, darling. I love you, and I’ll see you soon,” Jay said.

“I love you too. Thanks,” He whispered before he hung up the phone. He quickly popped his head in Louis’ room, and sighed when he saw Louis was still sleeping.

He called Paul next, because he didn’t want to talk to anyone else at management, and Paul could tell them for him. “Hello?” Paul asked, and Harry could hear the smile on his face as he heard Paul’s kids in the background.

“Hey, Paul,” Harry whispered.

“Hey, Harry, what’s up?” Paul asked.

“I’m at the hospital, with Louis,” Harry whispered, annoyed that he was getting choked up again.

“What happened?!” Paul asked loudly.

“I came home and found him on the bathroom floor. He tried to kill himself.”

“What?” Paul asked, voice choked off as well. “What hospital are you at? Who else is with you?”

“Nobody. I just called his mum, I’m getting ready to call the other boys right now. They said he’ll be okay. We’re at London Bridge,” Harry sighed.

“I’m on my way,” Paul said.

“Hey Paul?” Harry asked before Paul hung up.

“Yeah?”

“After I call the other boys, I don’t really want to call anyone else. Can you tell someone at Modest?” Harry asked.

“Of course. I’ll see you in a bit,” Paul sighed before he hung up.

He flipped through his contacts and called Liam first, deciding this would be his last phone call because he needed to be with Louis. “Harry!” Liam answered excitedly.

“Liam, you need to come down to the hospital. Call Niall and Zayn and see if you can reach Stan. I’ll talk to you when you get down here,” Harry sighed.

“What happened?” Liam asked, voice suddenly full of panic.

“Louis’ here. We’re at London Bridge. I have to go but I’ll talk to you when you guys get here. Room 816,” Harry said before he hung up, not wanting to answer more questions or spend another second away from Louis.

He walked back into Louis’ room and sat back in the chair next to Louis’ bed, holding his hand and talking to him, promising that everything would be okay, and that Harry loved him, no matter what.

Half an hour after Harry made his phone calls, he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. “How is he?” Paul asked. Harry nodded, afraid that he’d cry if he said anything. “How are  _you?_ ” Paul asked.

Harry couldn’t help it, because that’s just what he did when someone offered sympathy. He broke down and shook his head as Paul hugged him. “I found him,” Harry whispered. “I’m the one that left him and I knew something was wrong and I shouldn’t have left him. I left him, and it’s my fault, and fuck Paul, that image is always going to be burned in the back of my mind.”

Paul held him and rubbed his back as Harry cried again until they heard a rush of footsteps at the door. Harry pulled away and rubbed his eyes as he looked at Liam, Niall and Zayn.

“What happened?” Zayn asked, running over to Louis’ side.

“He sent me out to that little bakery he loves, on the other side of town,” Harry whispered. “I should have known. I shouldn’t have left him. I saw a text about half way home from him, telling me he was sorry and he loved me. My heart dropped and I knew something was wrong. I got home and found him in the bathroom.”

“He tried to kill himself?” Liam asked.

Harry nodded and collapsed back in the chair. “It’s my fault,” Harry whispered.

“No its not,” Niall sighed. “It’s not, Harry. This isn’t anybody’s fault.”

Harry nodded just to get them to stop talking, but he knew they were wrong. He’d always blame himself, because he  _knew_ something was wrong with Louis. He’d known for months, he just never said anything. And now here they were, sitting in a hospital room, gathered around his boyfriend, who still looked like a ghost.

They sat there for hours, not saying much. Harry told them everything that the doctor had said, and they sat there quietly, waiting for Louis to wake up. Another hour passed and Louis’ mom came in, holding Harry tightly as he told her everything from Louis sending him away, to what the doctor had said.

The other boys and Paul decided to go down to get something to eat and drink, so Harry and Jay could have some time alone with Louis. “I’m sorry,” Harry whispered.

“Harry, this isn’t your fault, honey,” Jay said.

“I promised you that I’d look after him,” Harry whispered as yet another batch of tears brimmed his eyes. “I promised I’d look after your baby boy, and you trusted me. You told me that you thought I was the only person who could love him as much as you, and I could be there for him all of the time. And I promised I’d look after him, and look where we are.”

“Harry,” Jay sighed as her maternal instincts kicked in. She let go of Louis hand and went to wrap Harry in a hug. “Sweetheart, you have taken care of him. This is not your fault. You do love him. You two love each other more than I’ve ever seen two people be in love. This was not your fault, and I don’t blame you, so you shouldn’t blame yourself. He’ll be up soon enough, and we’ll talk to him.”

Harry nodded and hugged Jay one more time before he let her go sit back down, and he took Louis’ hand back in his. As much as he tried to, he couldn’t get the image of Louis lying still on the bathroom floor out of his mind. He’d looked so cold and lifeless and it ate away at Harry. “I need to use the bathroom,” Harry whispered, leaving Jay alone with Louis.

He quickly washed his face and hands, splashing cold water on his face as he slapped himself a few times, trying to get out of his trance. Louis was okay now. He was regaining color, and he would be okay. Harry would make sure Louis never did anything like that again, even if he had to spend every minute for the rest of his life with Louis. He’d do it.

He walked back into the room, and saw Jay smiling and talking to Louis, who finally had his eyes open. Harry’s breathing hitched and he ran over to Louis, taking his other hand. “Fucking hell, Louis,” He whispered.

“Hey,” Louis said as his voice broke. Harry grabbed his bottle of water and tilted it so Louis could drink some.

“I’ll go tell everyone else you’re awake,” Jay said, kissing Louis and Harry each on the forehead before he left.

“How do you feel?” Harry asked.

“Not too bad. Though I don’t have room to complain,” Louis sighed.

“You scared me, baby,” Harry whispered. “You really fucking scared me. I thought I lost you, Louis. I think I almost died when I walked in the bathroom.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered, holding Harry’s hand tighter.

“Why’d you do it, Lou?” Harry asked.

“Can we please not talk about this right now? I promise when we get home, we’ll talk, I’m just tired,” Louis whispered.

“Okay,” Harry sighed.

“Do you hate me?” Louis asked.

“Louis, I could never hate you. I love you so much. I’m not even mad at you. I’m just relieved that you’re okay. You scared me,” Harry whispered.

“I’m sorry. I really am,” Louis said.

Harry was about to reply when everyone else walked in and surrounded Louis. Harry listened to them all give him hugs and kisses, tell him they loved him and they were all glad he was okay, before they slowly left, promising to visit the next day, until it was just Harry and Jay left. They stayed until Louis fell asleep, giving him their love, before they left when visiting hours ended.

Harry drove Jay back to his and Louis’ house and he set up the guest bedroom for her. “I’ll be back in a little bit,” He said, slowly making his way to he and Louis’ room.

“Harry, let me help you clean up in there,” Jay said.

Harry shook his head, seriously. “I really don’t want you to see that, Jay. I’ll be quick about it,” He insisted before he went off to the bathroom.

            His stomach churned at the amount of blood on the floor, and the razor blade, which was still there. He felt nauseous and quickly dropped to the floor in front of the toilet and threw up what little contents he had in his stomach. He didn’t know how Louis survived after loosing that much blood, but he silently thanked whatever higher powers or fate gods out there that he did. He grabbed a few towels and as quickly as he could, cleaned up the blood, throwing them in a trash bag and bringing them right out to the dumpster. He saturated the whole floor with cleaner and scrubbed it clean until the sickening smell of blood had been replaced with chemicals and fresh lemon scent.

            He sighed and left the bathroom, going to lay down on the bed he shared with Louis. He rolled his head over and shifted his hands under his pillow, when he felt a piece of paper. He quickly grabbed it and sat up, flicking the lamp on. He opened it up and started tearing up again when he saw Louis’ messy handwriting.

_My dear Hazza,_

_I am so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger. I’m sorry I couldn’t be better for you. I’m sorry that I’m such a coward, and I feel like this is the only way out. I’m sorry that I don’t know what else to do anymore. I’m so sorry I sent you away, and I’m sorry you had to find me. I hope you can forgive me for that, and move on._

_Please, don’t blame yourself, because it’s not your fault. I know you’ve noticed how upset I’ve been. You’ve been even more amazing to me, and I didn’t deserve it. But you need to know that even if you’d asked, and pried, and tried to force it out of me, I’d never have told you how depressed I was._

_I know you have so many questions as to why, but I’m just going to make it short. I just couldn’t do it anymore. It’s too much. The lying, and the hiding, and the secrets, and hurting the fans, hurting you of all people- I just couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to come out with you, and I should never have agreed to let things go that far, it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have let them control us, because I saw how much it was hurting you. I couldn’t hurt you like that anymore. And I know you’re probably mad at me, thinking about how this hurt you, but I promise you’ll get over it soon, and you’ll move on, and find someone a hundred times better for you than me._

_Please, get over this quickly, and don’t dwell on it. I promise things will get better now; I know I’ve been a burden lately. Tell my mum and all of my siblings that I love them so much. Tell Niall, Liam and Zayn I love them. Tell Stan that I love him and he’ll be okay. Tell Paul thank you._

_I want you to know that I loved you the best I could. I tried so hard for you, but I know I still wasn’t enough, and for that, I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry it got this bad and I felt like this was the only thing I could do._

_I love you, but you’ll be okay. Tell the fans I love them too. Love forever,_

_Your Lou_

            Harry sat there and read through the note at least five times, before he skimmed and read the most important parts. He fell asleep with the note in his hand, feeling slightly better, because now he had someone other than himself to blame, and he knew how to fix it.

            Harry woke up the next morning early to see that Jay was already up. “How did you sleep, dear?” She asked him.

            “Pretty good. I’ll drop you off at the hospital, then I have somewhere to go really quickly, then I’ll be back, okay?” He asked her. She nodded and they ate a quick breakfast before he drove her to the hospital. “Tell Louis I’ll be over soon,” He said as she nodded and left.

            He set a determined look on his face as he drove off to the familiar building where he had been so many times. He parked his car and walked in, taking the elevator up to the top floor, knowing he was pushing it, but he didn’t care. The ball was 100% in his court right now.

            “Mr. Styles!” The secretary said, surprised to see him there.

            “Is Richard in a meeting?” Harry asked.

            “No,  _Mr. Griffiths_ is not, but you can’t go in without an appointment, you know that,” She said, firmly standing up at her desk.

            “I don’t care,” Harry said as he walked past her, ignoring her protests and he walked into the largest office of the Modest! Management building.

            “Harry!” Richard said, obviously surprised by the sudden burst into his office. “We heard about what happened to Louis, is he alright?”

            “Like you actually give a fuck how he is,” Harry hissed.

            “Mr. Styles, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” the secretary said, but Richard cut her off.

            “It’s fine, Emily,” he said, politely dismissing her.

            “Harry, you know that we care about you boys,” Richard said.

            “That is the biggest piece of bullshit I’ve ever heard!” Harry yelled as he walked up to Richard’s desk. “All you give a shit about it money. Look at this!” He screamed, taking out the note Louis had left him. He pointed to the paragraph where Louis told him why he was so depressed. “This is my boyfriend’s fucking  _suicide note._ ” Harry said, breathing heavily because he was beyond pissed off. “Do you realize he almost killed himself because of what you’ve made us do? He almost ended his life, Richard! If I’d gotten there minutes later, he would have fucking died!” Harry yelled as hot angry tears spilled over his cheeks. “Then you’d have two dead boy band members on your hands because if he goes, I go. I told you that from the very first day, when you wanted to cut him out of the first album more than you already were. Louis and I are a team, in  _everything_ that we do. The fact that he is lying in a hospital bed right now proves that you pushed us past our limits. So congratulations on pushing us this far, but I’m not doing it anymore. I’m giving you two hours to come up with your way of Louis and I coming out to everyone, or I’m doing it my own way, contract breach or not. Take me to court if you want, I don’t care. I don’t care if you founded this company or not, I swear that if I don’t hear from you by ten this morning, you’re going to regret it,” Harry finished before he took a deep breath and turned around.

            “Harry,” Richard called quietly after him.

            “What?” He asked, turning his head so he could look over his shoulder.

            “I really am sorry about Louis,” Richard sighed. “Give me until tonight, to work something out, please. I know you want to come out right now, for Louis’ sake, but we have to do this slowly. We’ll get it out that he and Eleanor broke up, and we’ll build up to it. By the end of the week, you’ll be out, I promise.”

            Harry nodded, reluctantly. “The end of the week.”

             Richard nodded at him, and Harry walked back to the elevator, breathing a sigh of relief, because he couldn’t believe he actually yelled at the ‘Big Boss’ like that. But he did it all for Louis.

            He walked through the hospital doors at a brisk pace, eager to see how Louis was doing. He walked into Louis’ room, grinning when Louis smiled at him. “Hey, love,” Harry said as he walked over to Louis and kissed his forehead.

            “Morning,” Louis said.

            “How did you sleep last night?” Harry asked.

            “Pretty well,” Louis smiled.

            Harry glanced over at Jay who was sitting quietly in another chair, and they shared a quick smiled. “Jay, can I have just a minute?” Harry asked.

            She smiled and nodded, walking out of the room with hugs and an, “I love you,” for each boy.

            “I found this last night,” Harry sighed as he took out Louis note.

            “Well that’s embarrassing,” Louis mumbled, looking down at his hands.

            “Louis, look at me?” Harry asked.

            Louis sighed and finally looked at Harry. “I’m sorry,” Louis whispered.

            “Babe, what part about us being a two-for-one deal didn’t you understand? Everything we do, we do it together. You’re supposed to talk to me about these things, no matter how hard you find it. I’m supposed to help you, because I love you, and that’s what we do. You’re not supposed to go through this on your own. You’re not supposed to feel alone and shut out. We’re going through the same thing, remember? I know how it feels to be forced to lie and hide. When you get out of here, you have to promise me that you’re going to talk to me about absolutely everything. You can’t keep it in anymore, okay?” Harry asked.

            Louis sighed and nodded. “You would have been fine, though. I really meant that.”

            Harry shook his head and sat on the bed taking Louis hand in one of his and cupping the side of Louis’ face with his other hand, stroking his thumb across Louis’s cheek. “Do you love me?” He asked.

            “Of course,” Louis whispered.

            “More than anything or anyone else in the world?” Harry asked again.

            “Yes,” Lois whispered.

            “Do you rely and count on me?” Harry asked.

            “For absolutely everything,” Louis whispered, voice still shaky.

            “Do you need me in your life?” Harry asked.

            Louis nodded, taking his eyes from Harry’s face because he wasn’t sure where this was going, but the guilt was building quickly. “Like air.”

            “Okay. So imagine that a few months go by, and you notice I’m acting different, but you assume it’s just stress. Then one day,” Harry said, voice choking as tears stung his eyes again, “I ask you to get me something from the store. And you jump at the opportunity to make me happy; anything to see me smile again. And halfway home, your stomach drops, and you know something is wrong. And you call me and I don’t answer the phone, so you start to panic. You come home, and I don’t answer. And you find me, lying on the bathroom floor, with a razor blade in my hand and blood pooling on the floor. How would you feel?”

            Louis had started crying halfway through Harry’s story, and was full-on sobbing now as Harry took him into his arms. “I’d feel hurt, and angry at you, and scared and like my world was over,” He cried.

            “That’s how I felt. I was so, so scared, Louis. I didn’t know what I was going to do, because you are my life. If you were gone, I’d have nothing to live for anymore. So don’t tell me,” he said, pulling away from hugging Louis so Louis could see the tears and sincerity in his eyes, “that I would have gotten over it, and I would have been fine. Because I wouldn’t. I’m not as strong as you apparently thing I am. I’m dependent on you. I rely on you as much as you rely on me. We’re a team.”

            Louis nodded and broke down again as he held Harry closer to him, and buried his face in Harry’s neck. “I love you,” he sobbed. “I love you so much and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I did that to you, I’ll never do it again, I promise. I’ll get help if you want me to, I don’t care, I’m just sorry.”

            “Shh, Lou, it’s okay,” Harry whispered as he rubbed Harry’s back and ran one of his hands through Louis’ hair. “It’s okay, baby, you’re okay. Things are going to start getting better, I promise. I talked to Richard Griffiths today, and by the end of the week, he promised we’d be out.”

            “Richard Griffiths?” Louis asked, pulling away. “Like the founder of Modest? The CEO?”

            Harry nodded. “There’s probably something trending on Twitter about your break up by now. They work fast, when they want to. The said they’d get it out that you and Eleanor broke up, and I’m not sure how, but he said they’d work up to it and by the end of the week, we could come out.”

            “You did that?” Louis whispered.

            Harry nodded. “Louis, I almost  _lost you,_ forever. I wasn’t going to keep this up and risk it happening ever again. None of the fame or the money is worth losing you. Nothing is worth that.”

            “I love you so much. I was so stupid, I’m sorry,” Louis said, tracing his fingers in the hair at the base of Harry’s neck.

            “I love you too, more than anything. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I haven’t seen that smile reach your eyes in a while,” Harry smiled, finally seeing the sparkle in Louis’ eyes again.

            Louis smiled and blushed, resting his head back in the crook of Harry’s shoulder. “I feel better than I have in a long time. I don’t feel so trapped, you know? Like, I always knew you were there for me, but I felt like I was a burden and I didn’t want to annoy you with my problems. It’s okay though, I’ll talk to you now, I promise.”

            “Good,” Harry sighed. “I love you.”

            “I love you too,” Louis whispered, before Harry pressed his lips to Louis’ and kissed him sweeter than ever before, as he tried to tell Louis everything he’d felt through this one kiss, and Louis kissed him back like he understood.

            “Knock, knock,” Liam said as he walked in the room, followed by the rest of the boys, and Harry pulled away from the kiss.

            “I love you,” He whispered, kissing Louis’ forehead before he went to sit on the windowsill and give the other boys some time to see and talk to Louis.

            The routine continued for the next week. Jay was there everyday until she had to go home to take care of the kids, but Harry kept her updated twice a day. Harry spent every second with Louis, walking in as soon as the nurses would let him, and not leaving until they kicked him out way past visiting hours. Liam, Niall, Zayn, Paul and Stan visited almost every day, but didn’t stay too long.

            “You look so much better,” Harry sighed as he sat on the bed and wrapped his arm around Louis, who smiled and rested his head on Harry’s chest.

            “I feel better than I did,” Louis said.

            He was getting color back in his face, he was smiling again and the spark in his eyes was coming back. He laughed and ate and talked to Harry about everything he was feeling, and how trapped he felt. Things felt better than they had in a long time.

            “You get to come home tomorrow,” Harry said, kissing the top of Louis’ head.

            “I’m excited, but I’m a little nervous. You won’t let me do anything like that again, right?” Louis asked.

            “Of course not!” Harry said. “I’m not going to leave you alone until you’re ready. Things will be fine, I promise. Plus, I got to put one of my picturesof you and I on Twitter, and left it up for a few minutes before they took it off. So people basically know about us. Tomorrow, we get to make it official though.”

            “What picture did they post?” Louis asked.

            “The one at Rosso where you turned and kissed me on the lips at the last second,” Harry smiled. “Some people still say it was a fake, but they don’t have an explanation for how I tweeted it. Nobody even addressed it or anything, so now all the fans are going crazy. ‘Larry’ has basically been trending on Twitter all week. Ever since Eleanor ‘confirmed’ that you guys broke up.”

            “Love the fans,” Louis smiled.

            “Mhmm. Get some sleep,” Harry whispered as he hummed Louis to sleep.

            “Harry?” Louis asked.

            “Yes, love?”

            “Do the fans know I’m in the hospital?” Louis asked quietly.

            “No. Nobody else is going to find out,” Harry reassured him.

            “They’ll see this massive cut on my wrist,” Louis sighed.

            “We already took care of it,” Harry promised. “Liam and Niall broke one of metal frames around the windows on the tour bus, then tweeted a picture saying that you and Zayn got too rough when you were messing around and somehow you cut your wrist on it and needed stitches.”

            “You think of everything,” Louis sighed.

            “I try,” Harry laughed.

            “I love you,” Louis whispered.

            “I love you too babe,” Harry said quietly before he fell back asleep with Louis.

            The next morning, Harry was at the hospital bright and early, ready to sign Louis out. Even though Louis was an adult, they wouldn’t let him sign himself out, because he was ‘still a danger to himself’ and he wasn’t going to check into a mental hospital. Louis met Harry in the waiting room with a hug and a kiss before Harry carried Louis’ things out to the car. They didn’t say much during the drive home, Harry just held Louis’ hand in his and traced Louis’ cut which was healing so well, the doctors had taken the stitches out before Louis left. It was still raised and scabbed over, but Harry made a mental note to take care of it and rub lotion twice a day so the scar would be less noticeable.

            Harry carried Louis’ bag in the house when they got there, and helped him unpack. “Thank you,” Louis sighed as he flopped down on the bed.

            “Welcome,” Harry smiled as he flopped down nest to Louis.

            “No, I mean  _thank you_. For everything. Finding me, and saving me. And sticking with me. And loving me,” Louis sighed.

            Harry propped himself up on his elbow and he looked down at Louis, brushing his hair from his face. “You’re welcome. And thank you, for not leaving me.”

            Louis nodded and turned on his side so he could wrap his arms around Harry. “I regretted it. Not right away, right after I cut, I knew it was deep enough, and it felt like I was finally getting what I deserved. But the longer I sat there, and the colder I got, you popped into my head. And I wasn’t ready to leave you yet, and I regretted it. But I could physically feel myself fading away, and I thought it was too late. I swear I heard you walk in to door, and call out for me,” He whispered as he started crying. “I heard the panic and terror in your voice, and I wanted to answer you. I swear time moved so slow, and all I could think about was going downstairs to hug and kiss you and tell you I loved you. And make you cook me dinner then we could cuddle after. I wanted to call out for you so badly, but I couldn’t. I think I heard you came into the bedroom, but I don’t remember you coming into the bathroom.”

            Harry wiped both his and Louis’ tears. “No, you were out when I found you,” he whispered.

            “I’m sorry you had to see that. I can’t even begin to imagine if it had been the other way around. If I found you like that…  _fuck Harry_ , it hurts to think about,” Louis whispered.

            “So don’t think about it. Let’s take a nap, then I’ll make us some lunch, yeah? I know you haven’t slept well, but you will now back in our bed,” Harry said quietly as he ran his fingers through Louis’ hair.

            “Yeah,” Louis sighed as he drifted off to a peaceful sleep in Harry’s arms.

            “Louis,” Harry mumbled.

            “Hm?” Louis grunted.

            “Louis, Louis no!” Harry said again, louder and more frantic this time. Louis opened his eyes to see Harry lying next to him, sweating through his clothes and thrashing around while tears spilled down his face.

            “Harry,” Louis said firmly.

            “Louis, no! Don’t leave me, don’t please,” He sobbed, yelling through his tears, and Louis heart broke.

            “Harry, I’m right here,” He said loudly, shaking Harry.

            “Louis, please, I love you don’t go, don’t please,” Harry cried again.

            “Harry!” Louis yelled, shaking Harry harder. “Harry, baby, please wake up, I’m right here!”

            “Lou?” Harry asked, this time more calmly as his eyelids fluttered open.

            “Yeah, I’m right here,” Louis sighed. He quickly got up to turn the fan on before he went back over to the bed to sit next to Harry. He wiped Harry’s tears that were mixed with sweat. “It was just a nightmare,” Louis whispered.

            Harry nodded and bit his bottom lip. “It was real though,” he whispered.

            “I know it was, but it’s okay now. I promise I’m okay and I’m here, and I’m never going to leave you,” Louis said comfortingly. He brushed Harry’s hair back and pulled him up so he could take his shirt off. “You’re a mess,” He sighed as he unbuttoned Harry’s pants and pulled them down with his boxers so Harry was naked. “No wonder you always sleep like this,” Louis smiled sadly.

            Harry bit his lip for a second before he lunged forward and pressed his lips to Louis’ in a heated kiss, wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck and pulling his body closer. “Please,” Harry whispered.

            Louis ran his fingers through Harry’s hair and carefully laid him back down on the bed. “Everything’s okay, I promise,” Louis whispered as he kissed down Harry’s jaw line and Harry pulled Louis’ shirt off.

            “I love you,” Harry breathed out.

            “I know you do, baby. I love you too,” Louis whispered as he kissed down Harry’s body and nipped his hip lightly. He quickly sat up and pulled off the rest of his clothes before he laid down on top of Harry and kissed him, harder than he had in a long time.

            “Lou?” Harry asked in a strained voice.

            “Yeah love?” Louis whispered as he kissed Harry’s chest, paying special attention to every one of Harry’s tattoos, just like he usually did.

            “Can we… I just… take it slow?” Harry asked.

            “Yeah babe, I’m just gonna get you off, yeah?” He asked. Somehow, Louis just  _knew_ what Harry was feeling. He was still somewhat wrapped up in the fear of his nightmare, but also the relief of having Louis back home and safe, and feeling an overwhelming amount of love for his boyfriend, everything was just  _too much_ and he was going into overdrive.

            “Yeah, get us both off, Lou,” Harry whispered before Louis kissed his lips again. Harry gasped into the kiss and held on to Louis’ hips, as Louis started grinding down into Harry, rubbing their cocks together.

            “I love you so much,” Louis whispered. “Promise, I’m never, ever leaving you.”

            “Louis,” Harry panted, tears brimming his eyes again.

            “I’m so close, Harry,” Louis panted, feeling his stomach tighten as Harry started thrusting his hips up to meet each of Louis’ movements, grinding them together until the were both so hard, it was almost painful.

            “Fuck, it feels so good, shit, Louis.” Harry panted.

            “You close, babe?” Louis gasped. Harry bit his lip, whimpered and nodded. Louis kissed Harry’s neck one more time before he leaned up and whispered in Harry’s ear, “Finish us both of, love. Use your hand.”

            “Fuck,” Harry gasped as he quickly slipped a hand between them and wrapped it around both of their hard cocks and he started pumping quickly.

            Louis gasped and kept thrusting his hips in tiny movements as Harry ran his thumb over the head of Louis’ dick, pressing it into the slit, finally pushing Louis over the edge, and he came with a strangled cry onto Harry’s fist and stomach. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh Harry,” He gasped.

            “Fuck,” Harry moaned as he arched his hips slightly and came, all over his own fist and stomach, mixing it with Louis.

            Both boys were gasping and breathing heavily as they tried to catch their breath. Louis sat up and grabbed his shirt off the bed and cleaned Harry up before he threw it on the floor, and curled up next to Harry. “You alright, love?” Louis asked.

            “I’m sorry,” Harry whispered.

            “For what?” Louis asked.

            “I should be taking care of you, and comforting you. Not the other way around,” Harry said.

            “We take care of each other. I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through. If the situation had been reversed, the image of finding you would probably be there every time I closed my eyes. I feel so awful that you had to see that,” Louis whispered.

            “I’m okay when I wake up and you’re here,” Harry sighed as he pulled Louis into his arms and held him tight. “Just be here when I wake up in the morning.”

            “Every day,” Louis promised. And even though the next few months were filled with trials, arguments and everything imaginable that could go wrong, he kept his promise and woke up next to Harry every day.

 


End file.
